When you find yourself struggling with a difficult date (RA dates, anniversary dates) it is important to go to your therapist (Or your online support group) with your feelings. Even if you have friends that know of your abuse and they support you, it is very difficult for them to deal with or handle the abuse, and they may start to pull away from you. It is sad and unfortunate, but the truth is, is that a lot of people just can not deal with Satanic Ritual Abuse.
I am fortunate and have a good group of special people around me (Some who know of my past) who support me and are there for me when I need them, and have not pulled away. But I need to remember that they have not lived through this kind of abuse, and it is frightening for them to realize the depth, nature, and evilness of this kind of abuse. It is very overwhelming for them to grasp it all, and I do not want them to feel overwhelmed or sad.
I received some great advice from my therapist today. She told me that it is important for me to come to her every once in a while when I need to, and tell her how sad I feel, and spill it all out in her office. Not with my friends. That I need to keep my friendships sacred. I need to laugh, have fun, and look to my future, not back at the past. I know this is true.
Unfortunately, a lot of people just can not handle the intensity of Satanic Ritual Abuse. My friends have been great, supportive, loving and want the best for me. For this I am grateful. I love all of you.
Though---there are exceptions to every rule! I asked my one friend tonight on the phone while we were talking, if my telling her of my sadness and certain triggers regarding the abuse in my past ---had this overwhelmed her or made her want to pull away from me? She told me no!!! That she doesn't judge me, and only sees me as the kind and caring person that I am, and not my past, and that she knows I am just venting and she supports me 100%. So I guess it all depends upon the person! I am so happy and relieved to know that I don't have to always hide who I am or how I feel all of the time. This is such a relief.
So my gentle advice to you survivors, is to find a therapist that you trust, that you can go to---to let all of the darkness, pain and sadness out. Keep the time with your friends as light as possible. You can tell them if you are having a crappy day, but don't get into it all. This can be difficult and upsetting at times, as they are able to share their pain in their life, and you can too with normal situations, but this kind of abuse is just way too intense for others to process. Unfortunately, this is a sad reality. If you are fortunate such as myself, you will find someone (Or more than one person, as I had another offer from a special person willing to listen---though I don't want to overwhelm her) in your life who is willing to hear you out, not judge you and can handle your pain. This is something to celebrate.
Self care such as writing in your journal, prayer/ spiritual beliefs, self care, talk therapy, gratitude, exercise, online support groups, and self reliance are very beneficial in your healing process.
My greatest wish of all:
Is to one day meet/ know in person, another ritual abuse survivor. This would be the greatest gift of all. Because then I would have someone in my life who truly knows, and understands it all. Something like this would be so priceless, and my absolute greatest wish of all. This is my wish for all of you survivors out there in this world.
My thoughts and my heart are with you survivors as we all heal together from the abuse. Remember---you are not alone.