Oh yes, the emotion of anger. Anger is a scary feeling. It is very common for survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse to experience periods of anger during the healing process over what has transpired, what has been endured, what is remembered, and what it takes to heal from the past.
It is even more common for survivors to feel anger when people in their present life treat them in ways that remind them of the abuse.
Manipulation, guilt, intimidation, the blame game, aggression, bullying, refusal to take responsibility for hurtful behavior, insensitivity, put downs or "digs", a condescending, disrespectful, self centered attitude, lack of regard for the survivors feelings/ present situation, or state of current health, past experiences, etc. Feeling anger can be scary, as being triggered in this way brings up a lot of emotions from the past, and sometimes it can fuel some much needed positive change in the survivors present life.
Often, survivors of ritual abuse find that they may have to re-evaluate certain relationships (Friendships) with those that they have in their life, and finally decide that finding their voice, standing up for what is right, just, and just standing up for themselves is a crucial element in continuing to move forward in their healing. Survivors of ritual abuse often feel the need to help others, understand/ justify others behaviors, are sympathetic, and often minimize the impact of the behaviors of others. There comes a time in the survivors life that they finally put themselves and their well being first, and take a stand to protect their heart, mind, feelings, and soul. It is crucial that the survivor expects those that they surround themselves with, to treat them the way that they would treat others---with dignity and respect.
Anger usually results when the survivor has held their feelings in, not taken responsibility for their role in the situation (Which has allowed the situation to go on for as long as it has), nor taken a personal stand, or confronted the situation head on. When the survivor chooses to speak up/ stand up for themselves in a rational and calm matter of fact/ no nonsense/ and extremely direct way, it is only then, that the anger dissipates, and then possible changes can take place.
Sometimes though, you may need to walk away from a friendship (Or relationship) when the other person continues the same kind of hurtful behavior over and over, and really has no regard for your feelings at all. Although it is painful to have to say goodbye to someone who is unhealthy, it is important that you surround yourself with kind, compassionate, supportive, trustworthy, and positive people who respect you, treat you with dignity, share your values and morals, live their lives in a healthy way, and who are not hurtful to you or others.
It is important to note, that just because you have set boundaries with no longer wanting to be friends with someone, this doesn't mean that your boundaries will be respected. Expect those that are what I have described above, to call you regardless, and blame you yet again for their actions, suggesting that since they are in crisis that you shouldn't have an issue with them. No matter if someone is in crisis or not, look at their overall behavior. Has their behavior/ treatment of you been unhealthy and hurtful since the start? Do they treat you in a nicer fashion when out for coffee with friends? Do they try to dominate conversations always bringing the focus back to themselves even when they know you may need to talk about something that you are going through, as well as constantly interrupting or ignoring what others are saying? How does this person treat others? Have you witnessed them mistreating others? Does this person expect you to keep silent through intimidation about the hurtful things they are doing to others/ their partner? Do they speak ill of others and blame them often when you spend time together? Does this person engage in reckless and dangerous behavior? Does this person get angry and volatile when you raise your concerns about their conduct/ behavior towards you/ others? Does the person swing from acting like your friend one moment--- to yelling, screaming, and hurtful behavior the next? Do they try to compete with your successes and diminish any success that you achieve because this makes them feel less than? Is their behavior towards you still like this after a very long time? Will it ever change, do they acknowledge their behavior, apologize, try to do better? Do they truly care how they treat you? Or do they only care about their own selfish needs, stepping all over you in every way possible to make themselves feel better no matter what is happening in their life? Most times people like this are their own worst enemies and create their own crisis which they have brought on themselves by their hurtful behavior towards others in their lives. Unhealthy people like this would really benefit from counselling, as then they can explore the reasons why they choose to lash out and hurt others and hopefully make some positive changes. But sadly, most times the person doesn't even believe that they have a problem/s or that they are doing anything wrong, they are in complete denial---it's always someone else's fault why they behave the way they do. It is up to you whether or not you choose to put up with abusive treatment from others. I have tried hard to be patient, understanding, supportive, and very honest with my concerns with certain people during my life, but there comes a time when you eventually have to see the situation for what it is, and if it is causing you great distress, and it is draining you emotionally, and conflicts with your values and morals, you need to decide what is best for you and make the best possible decision for you. Personally, I am done with all of this. I am fortunate to have special and supportive people in my life, and this is what is best for me.
Signs Of A Supportive Friendship Or Relationship
Both people involved...
-Have a high level of trust after a healthy period of time (It may take some time to build, but it is respected, honored)
-Are listened to
-Are unconditionally loved
-Have self awareness and work on self growth
-Are able to be themselves
-Feel good after spending time together
-Look forward to spending time together again
-Are treated with dignity, kindness, empathy, compassion and respect all the time
-Experience joy when something good happens for the other
-Are encouraged to be their best self, their successes and strengths are celebrated and applauded
-Share similar values, morals and healthy lifestyle choices
-Admire qualities in the other
-There is a healthy balance between both people
-There is healthy communication
-It feels right
*There are many more signs of a supportive person, but these are just a few to consider when you are facing a tough decision about the people in your life.
I tend to always keep my feelings in, regarding painful experiences in my life, and find that writing provides me with the release of all of the pain that I try so hard to keep inside. I am so tired of keeping it all in, and need some way of getting it all out.
Anger is a scary emotion, but a human emotion, and one that can motivate the survivor into making the necessary changes that will empower them to move forward in a positive direction in their lives.
Negative Ways To Deal With Anger:
-Denying the issue
-Fear of confronting the issue/ fear of the other persons reaction
-Pushing negative feelings down or ignoring them
Positive Ways To Deal With Anger:
-Facing the situation
-Confronting the situation head on
-Dealing with negative feelings
5 Ways To Control Anger