For Supporters of Ritual Abuse Survivors:
A song for for those who are supporting a survivor
Kelly Clarkson---"Dark Side" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ArpRWcGe0
A song for supporters--- (If you can laugh at yourself, and handle the odd swear word (In this version of the song, she omits the swear word) this song is so beautiful, inspirational, and is my heartfelt thanks to those of you who care for me, and support me. Look at her eyes---they convey so much emotion. Pink is in my opinion, a strong, brave, and beautiful artist.)
Pink- "Fucking Perfect" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpNMh0yNVhk
A huge fear that survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse have is that those that they trust/ disclose to about the abuse will fear them/ the abuse and distance themselves from the survivor. This is the worst thing that you can do as a supporter. It is truly scary to realize what the world has come to, what humans are capable of, and that Satanic Ritual Abuse is real. Survivors 100% want to disbelieve their memories, to wish that none of this is true, to wish instead that they are crazy....but the cold hard facts are that this is all true, and that ritual abuse is real. This is all so hard for the survivor to deal with, as well as you.....the survivor needs to know that they are believed, lovable, good, and worthy of your time. *If you think about it, before you knew of the survivor's past, you didn't have any fear of being around them...so why should now be any different? Please do not distance yourself from survivors, as they are courageous in the face of all of the evil perpetrated, and---just may be able to teach you something valuable about what it means to truly live, love, have faith, perseverance, determination, face fears head on, and come out on the other side intact. I know that it is hard to hear about this kind of abuse, but please, open your mind and your heart to what is truly happening in the world around you.
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway --- By Susan Jeffers, PH. D.
An Excellent Book! (I had bought this years ago, started reading it and then put it down. I found it today when looking for something else and I am starting to read it again.)
Understanding The Fear Of The Unknown & How To Manage The Fear In Your Own Life
Important: When supporting a ritual abuse survivor, it is imperative that you do not feel that you have to fix the survivor. The survivor needs to seek help through therapy to receive skilled help in healing from ritual abuse. You, as the supporter (survivors friend, partner, etc) must have strong boundaries and let the survivor know that you are their friend, etc and not their caretaker if you feel that the survivor is overly dependent on you for support. While it is important that survivors of ritual abuse have support, it is in the survivor's best interest to learn to take care of him or herself. The best way that you as a supporter can help the survivor of ritual abuse is to educate yourself on ritual abuse, deal with your feelings, biases, and judgement around this horrific type of abuse, and most of all-----believe in the existence of ritual abuse, and accept the survivor as the strong and resourceful person that he or she is, trusting that the survivor has the ability to take care of him or herself. This is NOT your job! Your believing the survivor, your compassion and the fact that you care enough to be in the survivors life as well as your willingness to listen is the most precious gift.
It is also important to remember that not every survivor has DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). Dissociation occurs on a continuum ranging from normal day dreaming to its extreme form of DID or MPD. Most survivors (if not all) for sure suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and there is some dissociation involved such as spacing out when triggered and blocking of memories that return as flashbacks (less and less as the survivor heals) Take comfort in the fact that survivors who have already spent years healing from the trauma can manage stress, their emotions, and responses to being triggered as well as the reliving of vivid memories. Trust in the survivor's strength and ability to keep him or herself safe. Try not to panic and feel scared of the cult members. A lot of the time the cult will eventually give up on trying to contact/ trigger the survivor into returning. Most times, survivors that have escaped the cult who have remembered much of their abuse and who have spent years healing from the abuse are safe in their present life and so are their supporters.
It is OK:
-To have fears regarding worrying about saying the wrong thing---trust me, a lot of people worry about saying the wrong thing at times. It is OK! No one is perfect. The fact that you are trying shows you care.
-To be scared. This kind of abuse is scary for anyone to hear about, let alone live through it. Share your fears/ feelings with the survivor. It will encourage an open discussion where the both of you can communicate openly.
-To be angry. Trust me...the survivor feels a lot of anger over it too.
-To show your emotions. Survivors have spent most of their life feeling like they have to hide their emotions regarding the ritual abuse---fearing rejection and disbelief. Showing yours just lets the survivor know that people really care, believe, and that its OK to feel upset, sad, angry, and scared.
-To need space to deal with the feelings that it brings up for you.
-To laugh, joke and find humor in the situation. Some survivors appreciate humor as this helps relieve anxiety. Laughter is the best medicine.
-It is OK to not be perfect in your trying to help the survivor. No one is perfect and it is a huge relief to know that!!!!
-Friendships (or relationships for those of you in a partnership with a survivor) are a two way street. Survivors of ritual abuse are normal people---the only difference is that they are healing from extreme trauma. If you are friends with a survivor of ritual abuse, the survivor just wants a normal, reciprocal, trusting, sharing, honest relationship where both people get their needs met in a healthy way. Having fun is the absolute BEST!!!!!!!!! And knowing that you can talk truthfully about things if need be is such a comfort.
* Know that your presence means the world.
*Excellent links on Secondary Trauma found in those who work with, support, or care about abuse survivors:
Secondary Traumatic Stress---Doctors At Risk
Secondary Traumatic Stress Scale
Educating Child Welfare Workers About Secondary Traumatic Stress
*Excellent links for those wishing to learn more about satanic ritual abuse:
Acts Of Torture (Ritual Abuse- Torture)
Satanic Ritual Abuse Exists---Together We Can Stop It.
Ritual Abuse and Mind Control---Kathleen Sullivan (Excellent, in-depth information)
Treating Ritual Abuse Survivors---Lynette Danylchuck Ph.D.
Information On Spin Programming Found In SRA Survivors (Including Physical Symptoms) Keep in mind this kind of programming is true for most if not all SRA survivors even if they do not have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). The only difference is that instead of spreading the pain to other "alters" or " parts" (Those with DID/ MPD) , the survivor that is a "singleton" (Not DID/ MPD) endured all of the pain in the "Pain Contests" that took place in the cult setting :
Realities Of Occult/ Ritual Abuse/ Halloween
TAG- Trauma And Abuse Group---Working With Survivors Of Ritual Abuse
TASC-- Trauma And Abuse Support Centre
This link provides support to those who are supporting a survivor
http://www.tasc-online.org.uk/rarcs.html (Yay, this link worked too!)
http://catfangz.com/ra.html (Not sure how this link worked but it did!)
The Penny Parks Foundation
http://www.ppfoundation.org/pict_ra.aspx (You will have to cut and paste)
The Secrets That Go On Behind Closed Doors
http://we-are-survivors.webs.com/ritualabuse.htm (You will have to cut and paste into your browser)
Strength To Heal
http://strengthtoheal.com/trauma.html (You will have to cut and paste)
Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma- Based Mind Control
http://truthbeknown2000.tripod.com/Truthbeknown2000/id22.html (You will have to cut and paste link)
Centre For Action On Rape & Abuse
http://www.caraessex.org.uk/ritual.html (You will have to cut and paste link)
http://www.safeline.org.uk/ritualabuse.html (You will have to cut and paste)
Fort Refuge-- Abuse Survivors Community
http://www.fortrefuge.com/Ritual-Abuse.html (You will have to cut and paste)
Information on Ritual Abuse
http://www.sascwr.org/files/www/resources_pdfs/ritual_abuse/Ritual_Abuse.pdf (You will have to cut and paste)
From The Inside Out
(You will have to cut and paste this link into your browser as I am having trouble inserting certain hyperlinks)
Ritualistic Abuse---Laurel House
(Cut and paste into your browser)
SRA Survivor shares his story on a live radio talk show
SRA survivor on a talk show (David Shurter----Listen live) speaks of his experiences with Satanic Ritual Abuse, regarding the book Rabbit Hole. Take caution though, as the hosts of the show question him on his experiences, but if you can get past it, listen to his words as they are important.
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=120297 (Cut and paste into your browser)
*A small excerpt taken from 'Unlocking Buried Secrets' --Survivor Pages.
1. Always BELIEVE the survivor. Some things you hear from the survivor you may think...that is not possible. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is possible in ritual abuse. The persons that commit ritual abuse are some of the sickest, calculating, abusive and most devious people in the world.
2 .Never blame the survivor. The survivor was an innocent CHILD. The adult/ perpetrator(s) is ALWAYS responsible. Anything the survivor did in the setting of the cult was a 'forced act' and against the survivors will. The survivor had NO CHOICE and had to perform the task at hand in order to survive. Validate the survivors incredible survival skills. He/ she is truly a survivor in the face of all the evil perpetrated.
3. Never tell the survivor to 'get over it', 'it is in the past' etc. The left over after effects from ritual abuse are devestating and take a long time to overcome through hard work and support. The survivor wants this all to go away 1000x's more than you do. If he or she could snap his or her fingers and make it all go away, he or she would in a heartbeat.
4 .Honor and respect the courage it takes for the survivor to speak of the abuse. This is a feat in itself. The survivor has been tortured, threatened, abused and programed to NEVER TELL the secrets or illegal activities of the cult. The survivor is letting you into his or her private pain. This should always be treated with sensitivity and deep respect.
5. Never tell the survivor that he or she is 'making it all up'. No one makes up ritual abuse. No one suffers the devestating after effects of ritual abuse or has memories of ritual abuse unless they are a survivor.
6. Always listen to the survivor with an open mind and an open heart.
7. Never disclose what the survivor tells you to anyone. This is his or her private information and should be kept private unless he or she tells you otherwise. Breaking the survivors confidence is devestating.
8. Never take the side of the survivors abuser. The perpetrators may 'make up' a convincing 'tale' and try to convince you that the survivor is crazy. This is very common. Be aware that this may happen. Keep your guard up. Remember, the survivor is telling the truth.
9. Never lie to the survivor. We (survivors) have had to deal with enough lies already. Lies are a huge trigger with survivors of ritual abuse. Always take responsibility. If you mess up, admit it.
10. Always be open to attending a therapy session with the survivor if he or she asks you. This will help you learn how to better understand and help the survivor. This will also be an opportunity for you to get information on how you can take care of yourself during this hard time.
If the survivor is having a flashback or memories:
-Get a dish of ice cubes and have the survivor hold one.
-Get the survivor to hold a favorite teddy bear or cherished item that means something to them...maybe something you have given them to give the survivor some comfort and bring them back to the present.
-Ask the survivor if they want to be held or comforted…if you touch the survivor without asking during a memory it may startle them and produce more fear, anxiety or memories.
-Remind the survivor of the year and date. Tell the survivor that it is Monday, October 25th 2004 etc. Show the survivor a newspaper or anything that you think may help bring the survivor back to the present.
-Tell the survivor that you are here with them and for them…that you believe them and that they are safe now…that they got away from the abuse and no one can hurt them anymore.
-If the survivor is talking to you during the memory…listen and offer support.
-If you feel that the survivor is in danger of hurting himself or herself after a memory…call his or her therapist or the crisis line or take the survivor to the crisis clinic at your local hospital and get the survivor support. Something like this is too much for you to handle on your own…especially if it is SI (self injury or suicide programming).
*These are only some suggestions…every survivor is different…it is always good to ask the survivor when he or she is NOT experiencing a memory what would be helpful for him or her and then incorporate this into what you will do the next time the survivor needs your help. It may be helpful to write this down and keep your list handy as it is hard to remember all the things you need to remember in life. No one can remember everything.
*Be aware of possible triggers. If you notice what triggers the survivor, bring this to the survivors attention so he or she can try to keep track of his or her triggers. It is hard to know what the triggers are sometimes…your awareness will help a lot.